36 Social Media Experts & Parents Share Tips On How To Keep Your Tween Safe On Social Media

For loving parents, some of the most stressful years of raising children is undoubtedly the tween & teen years, because that is when children truly start to find their identities. However, for better or for worse, this is also exactly the same age that many children today are getting introduced to, and spending the most time on, social media websites.

While allowing your tween to use social media isn’t necessarily a bad thing - in fact, in many ways it can be incredibly helpful to your child’s growth by teaching them independence, problem solving, and computer skills - there are very real safety concerns that exist on the internet today that every parent should know. Whether its Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, or any other popular social media site, the chance that your child might inadvertently be exposed to bullying, identity theft, adult & inappropriate content, and other types of social media threats, is a real possibility.

To shed light on how we as parents can be more informed about social media safety for our tweens, we reached out to several Social Media Experts, Online Security Experts, and parents who work in the Social Media space, to give us their expert advice on how to keep tweens safe on social media. Specifically, we asked them:

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

The answers we received were incredibly insightful and informative, and for that we thank each and every one of our participants for their thoughtful advice. Read on to find out our 36 Social Media Experts’ tips on how to keep tweens safe on social media:

Meet Our Panel of Experts:

Jim Tobin

Jim Tobin is a Social Media Marketing Expert & Speaker and President of Ignite Social Media where he spends every day helping major brands put social media marketing to work to accomplish their marketing objectives. Jim is also a father, so social media safety for tweens and teens is especially relevant in his daily life.

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

Generally speaking, I support keeping kids off Facebook until age 13 if you can. Elementary and middle school drama is intense enough without adding that to the mix. Having said that, trying to make sure they stay off everything may be a losing battle. You stop Snapchat, can you stop WhatsApp? You keep them off Twitter, can you keep them off Formspring? The best bet, I’ve found, is sharing examples of social media gone wrong among the teen set. Let them see how a sexting scandal has played out, for example (assuming you can do it in an age appropriate way). Follow them on whatever social channels they do use and give them advice on specific posts that aren’t ideal.

Long story short, doing your best to raise your children with character and foresight is the best bet. Even if nature and the tween brain is fighting you each step of the way.

Maree Jones

Lee Ussher

Given this young generation’s natural method of communication is via the web and technology it has made a parents role that much more difficult to monitor who your kids are ‘hanging out with’. But as parents you cannot deprive your children from communicating with their peers, and it’s senseless to expect them to use the forms of communication we know – not unless you want them to become a hermit and have no friends.

Using social media and the internet is a natural progression of improving the efficiency and speed of communicating. We’ve moved from the quill pen to biro, from letter to telegram, from fax to email, and now instant messaging via social platforms. So as parents, just like our parents, we need to learn and investigate what we can about the internet resources in order to understand and communicate with our kids and be able to do our parental role of protecting them properly.

By educating yourself as a parent, the more you learn and understand, and therefore the more informed your decision (and argument) with your kids on which sites or apps are safe for them to use at this age will be. There is a huge number of social media tools to choose from and not all of them are ‘dangerous’.

The added benefit in learning and understanding how to use at least one or two of the major social sites or apps your children are communicating on will mean you will be more prepared in knowing how to support your child if ever they do become a victim of cyber bullying or stalking. And you never know… it could even enrich your parent-child relationship – if you can get them to accept your friend request!!

The venues our kids choose to play in with their friends changes with age and some are physical while others are not. As parents we take the time to investigate where our children want to ‘hang out’ physically so we should do the same even though we can’t ‘see the venue’. Keeping your children safe online is like keeping your children safe in the park - you have to be there.

Robert Siciliano

Technology has really added fuel to the fire for two well-known tween-teenage activities: bullying and cheating. Bullying has moved from the playground to online and cheating has a whole new realm beyond writing information on your hand or arm.

According to McAfee’s 2013 Digital Deception: Exploring the Online Disconnect between Parents and Kidsstudy, children are witnessing bullying online in great numbers and parents are not fully aware of the issues. Additionally, children are continuing to find ways to use technology to cheat, while only half of the parents of cheating kids believed they had done so.

Cyberbullying

Social media isn’t all fun and games – 89% of all youth (ages 10-23) surveyed say they witnessed mean behavior on Facebook and 40% on Twitter.

Kids don’t outgrow bullying – 17% of children ages 10-12 say they have witnessed mean behavior directed at a classmate or friend online, but that number jumps to 34% for young adults ages 18-23.

Parents don’t know the full extent of the problem – Only 9% of parents believe their child or children have witnessed cruel behavior online; even worse, only 6% think that their son or daughter has been a target of this cyber bullying, when in reality 13% of youth report they have been targeted online.

Peer pressure spreads to the Internet – 4% of youth said they’ve been pressured into bullying someone online.

Cheating

It’s a bigger problem than you think – More than half of all 13-23 year olds surveyed admitted to looking up the answer to a test or assignment online; only 17% of parents believe their child has done so.

Smartphones are making us dumber – While only 10% of 10-12 year olds said they had cheated on at test using a cell phone, this percentage doubles when looking at 18-23 demographic.

The Internet is teaching kids things you don’t want them to know – Only 2% of parents believe their child has ever cheated on a test using a technique they found online when in reality more than 1 in every 10 youth surveyed admitted to doing so.

Growing up is hard to do – More than a quarter of young adults ages 18-23 cheated with help from technology as opposed to 14% of 10-12 year olds.

So what do we as parents do to help change this negative behaviors? We must stay in-the-know. Since your kids have grown up in an online world, they may be more online savvy than you, but you can’t give up. You must challenge yourselves to become familiar with the complexities of the teen online universe and stay educated on the various devices your teens are using to go online.

Make sure you talk to your kids about Internet safety and what is and is not appropriate behavior online.

Establish clear guidelines that you all agree on including time spent online, and what type of content is ok post online.

Teach your kids to recognize cyberbullying and encourage them to talk to you about it.
Learn what your kids are doing with their mobile devices while they are in and out of school. It may surprise you to know how much time they are spending on them.

Consider using tools to help keep your kids safe online and support family Internet rules. Parental control software such as McAfee Safe Eyes lets you protect your kids from inappropriate sites and stay informed about their online activities.

Liz Jostes

Liz Jostes is a social media and small business consultant, speaker, and mom of 2 girls. Liz helps students, parents, entrepreneurs, and business owners to be successful in the online world. Learn more about Liz’s work at Eli | Rose Social Media, LLC.

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

Understanding the benefits and potential pitfalls of social media and messaging apps is vital for both tweens and their parents. Technology has changed the way we communicate and who we are able to reach, and in a lot of ways, is so far advanced that we are just now slowly starting to realize the short and long-term ramifications that come with it.

I feel there are a few key points for parents and tweens to know. First, true privacy is a myth. Protected Twitter and Instagram accounts, or posting only to your Facebook Friends, can’t guarantee your words or photos won’t extend beyond those to whom you’ve chosen to connect. Second, anyone with a computer or smart phone has the ability to forever capture (and pass around!) your words and photos - even if they only exist for a “snap” - by screen capping. Third, social media profiles are highly favored in Google search results (and, thus, easy to locate for a college recruiter or coach), and it’s quite common now for a college admissions counselor or coach to research a prospective student or recruit before extending an offer. If they like what they see on a student’s social media profile, that can be to your benefit. But if they don’t, it could cost you a scholarship or spot on the team.

Bullying is a very real problem on sites like Ask.fm and messaging apps like Kik, although that’s not to say that a user couldn’t have that issue on a different social platform.

My best advice for tweens would be to always think before you post. Social media moves extremely fast, but once you hit “send”, there’s no way to guarantee that message or photo won’t end up in the wrong hands.

To parents, I’d suggest performing a few Google searches for all of the apps your child has on their phones. Attain usernames and passwords. Check in with your child periodically about their social media use. Check their phones and camera rolls to see if they’ve added any new apps you don’t know about, or have recently taken any photos you might not be comfortable with. Join all the same platforms your kids are on, and “follow” them.

Erika Kerekes

1. Their dad and I have access to ALL their social media accounts at all times. There is zero expectation of privacy. We have their passwords. We ask them to hand over their phones at random times and look through their texts, Instagram feeds, and Facebook messages. We have explained that while we trust them, we don’t trust the rest of the world and we also know that young people’s judgment isn’t always iron-clad. It’s our job to help them understand how to behave in the real world, and it’s our job to help them understand how to behave online. If they ever change their passwords without telling us, use privacy settings to block us, or otherwise keep us from seeing their activity, their phones, tablets and computers will disappear for a good long time. Interestingly, neither kid has pressed for more privacy - maybe because they know it’s not negotiable, maybe because they’re boys, but in any case it’s working for all of us.

2. Both their dad and I follow them on all their active social channels and comment often on their posts. This reminds them (and their friends) that we are watching. I was afraid this would embarrass them, but both of them actually seem to like interacting with us online. Each of my boys has a truly wicked sense of humor that comes out very well in online dialogue - more so, actually, than in real life. I have learned a lot about them by following and friending them in social media.

3. As with every other tricky aspect of parenting, communication is key. We talk about what happens between them and their friends online just as often as we talk about what happens with them and their friends in real life.

4. Since they were first using email (around age 8), we have stressed that if anything just doesn’t feel right, they need to tell us. And they have. As they started using social media, the same rule has applied.

We’ve actually had some tricky issues to deal with regarding social media. When my younger son was 11 and just starting on Instagram, one of the kids at his school posted a picture of himself with a handgun. When my son saw it and told me about it, I made the decision to contact the school; the administrators later took it to local authorities. My son was really angry with me at the time but it gave us a lot to talk about, both with respect to social media and regarding the situation itself.

Another time the same son and I were watching TV on a Saturday night. He picked up his phone and saw his friends posting pictures on Instagram of a party to which he wasn’t invited. He would have likely found out about the party eventually, but the fact that he was seeing it scroll by in real time made it much worse. (That was actually one time when I wished Instagram didn’t exist, but again, we were able to talk about it.)

I don’t believe in prohibiting social media for tweens and teens - it’s as normal as using the phone for this generation. But parents have to be involved in educating kids about how to use it wisely and when grownups need to know what’s going on. Parents can’t turn a blind eye and assume everything is fine - communicate, educate, and look over their shoulders.

Whitney Gibson

Anonymity is also an issue. I always tell kids and their parents to never assume you are anonymous online. As an expert in the field, I can tell you almost every time we figure out the true identity of somebody who is operating anonymously on the internet. We see students get themselves into big trouble, engaging in bad conduct online and thinking that they are invisible because they are using an anonymous screen name.

Juanita Allen Kingsley

* Parents also need to wait as long as they possibly can to give their children cell phones and tablets. Fifth grade is now the benchmark in many communities for children to have their own phones-that’s soon enough.

* Setting a family standard early on that phones are put away for the night is another way that late night texts and photos will not be sent. As parents, we have the right to set these guidelines and expect our children to honor them. In my experience, parents feel very mixed about following through with these rules. They don’t want the phones and tablets to be abused, yet they also want their children to be popular.

* Encouraging schools to set phone-free or phone-off policies during the day can be helpful, as well.

Eric Clark

Brad Hines

1. Conversations: The topics you speak with them about related to Internet safety, and how  you maintain an ongoing dialogue.

2. Actions: The measures you take, whether they understand it or not, like installing
password protection on your computer.

Number 1 is the most important, since children will have countless opportunities to be on other computers (at school, relatives houses, friends houses etc.). Protect them at a local level with good education. In the same way that it’s better to safeguard your children by teaching them defensive driving rather than buying them a safe car, all parents need to sit down with their children and explain the exact dangers of social media, in addition to safe Internet usage in general. Most importantly, you should talk about privacy and identity theft with your kids. Make sure you have a close alliance with your children,so that they will coming to you and asking for advice when they come across things on the Internet that they are not familiar with. In general, encourage your children to keep you in the loop — ask them to tell you what they do on the Internet. It’s better than just outright spying on them, which can push them in the other direction, trust-wise, should they find out. Thirteen years old, for example, might be a little young for a child to be using a computer privately in her bedroom. Until they are old enough — which you must feel out on an individual basis, based on your child’s maturity level — keeping the family computer in a *family* spot is the best option so that you are never far away.

Leonie Smith

Based in Sydney Australia, Leonie is known as “The Cyber Safety Lady” and is the Author of the online book “Keeping Kids Safe Online” available from her website as an eBook.

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

The No 1 piece of advice I have for keeping Tweens safer on Social Media or on any online app, is for parents to know what is going on, not through spying but through education of themselves and communication and supervision of their children.

You can only keep your tween “safer” online in the same way as you can only keep your Tween “safer” offline, the world is not a safe place offline or on.

The biggest concern educators have at the moment with Tweens on social media is that more often than not the Tweens parents are either in denial about the dangers, complacent or entirely ignorant about the way their children use technology and the internet. Parents often leave it up to schools to educate their children on cyber safety because they feel they simply don’t have the skills to do so. Unfortunately where most Tweens get into trouble, is in their own homes with mum and dad nearby oblivious to what is going on under their own noses. “Hope For The Best” just doesn’t cut it anymore. Parents simply have to put as much,, if not more energy into learning about their child”s use of social media as they probably did for every other part of their child’s hobbies or sport or education. Kids that are getting hurt through interactions online or cyber bullying, often have parents who had no idea that the hurt was going on.

How to get educated?

1. Attend a cyber safety education talk. Most schools have them now for parents.
2. Follow my blog or “Like” my Facebook page, I write regularly on new apps, and ideas for communication and supervision.
3. Check up on the apps your Tween uses on websites like www.apps.secure.me or www.commonsensemedia.org
4. Talk to your tween in a conversational interested way about what their favourite apps, social media and messaging apps are?
5. Find a digital game you can play with your tween, something you both enjoy. You need to embrace technology and your child’s new world. Suggestions on my website.
6. If you ever have a serious concern for your child’s safety and well being, spend time with your child checking their device and history. Don’t feel it’s spying its called being a parent!
7. If your child is in mortal danger do everything in your power to get help. Get an expert to help monitor your child’s online interactions or even restrict them to safe ones. Get help from the police or from a professional councilor.

Keep up to date. Apps and new fads change every year. Make sure your children are getting guidance and education about safe online behaviour.

Becca Ludlum

Christian Brink

To learn more about digital parenting, check out FOSI’s Platform for Good at www.aplatformforgood.org.

Erik Qualman

Jesse Weinberger

Parents need to actually parent their children. It is not the role of the device or app manufacturers to parent FOR you.

.. If as a parent, you are not actively checking which platforms, people, games, and content your child is involved with - you are complicit in the outcome

.. If as a parent, you do not create and deliver consequences consistently to your children - you are complicit in the outcome

.. If as a parent, you do not educate yourself in HOW to help your child stay safe as well as HOW to prevent brewing your own little Frankenstein-bully - you are complicit in the outcome

.. If you are expecting gaming companies and media companies to do your parenting job for you - you are complicit in the outcome

How young is too young?

If you have recently spent any time around a 14 or 15 year old, you will quickly come to the conclusion that young teens are merely taller, hairier 3 year olds. They bounce from topic to topic and app to app looking to engage, or hide - or whatever their impulse du jour is. And this is developmentally appropriate. They are supposed to act like tall, hairy 3 year olds. Children
are still children until they are well into their high school years. They do not have the physical/cognitive/emotional/social maturity which 24-7 connectivity demands. Those skills develop with time and experience.

I recognize that it’s hard to be a parent in the 21st century. And there’s a lot to learn - all the time. I teach Internet Safety for a living and I am constantly learning the new and nauseating ways children get themselves into trouble. But you have *no choice* as a parent. Actually that’s not true; you actually have two choices: 1. Don’t give a device to your child or 2. Give a device to your child and engage in the education and monitoring process. There is no third choice. Sorry.

Gina Mortimer Storr

Gina Mortimer Storr is a Social Media Expert and Consultant, with years of experience helping individuals and businesses successfully utilize social media. Find out more about Gina’s work at http://ginastorr.com/.

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

It does remain a problem. Although social media networks have all taken steps to beef up security, it is not always enough. My 5 best tips include:

1. Never include actual physical address in any social profile

2. Use check-in features only when ready to leave a location

3. Post pictures from an event only after leaving the event

4. Disable auto GPS function and use manual location feature as needed

5. Set up private groups and lists to include only people they know and trust

Mike Ribble

“If everyone jumped off a bridge…”

I can remember hearing this from my mother on numerous occasions about just being a follower in a crowd or not. But times are different today, the smartphone is no longer just a phone but a multifunction device. As parents we feel more comfortable sending our tweens out in the world if we know that we or they can be in contact with someone (except when they forget to charge it). I am not advocating that everyone go out and buy their tween a smartphone but there are some advantages that should be discussed as a family. This is the role of the parent, to recognize and weigh the pros and cons of these devices as well as making sure the child understands how these tools (which they are) should be used.

Keep cool

I know that no one uses the term “cool” anymore but in this situation there is a reason. I think that parents need to “keep their cool” using I’s Cubed (or the three I’s) – sorry I couldn’t resist. These are some areas to reflect on and continue to do (which I am sure most are already doing)

Involvement – know what is going on with your children, especially with technology. I think the old rules of technology should apply, have students use laptops/tablets/etc. out in public areas. Taking these tools off to their rooms could have bad affects. Tweens will often bring up that parents don’t trust them, I have always believed that trust is earned.

Interest – know what your child’s interests are, what apps do they use, who their friends are. Find out what they like/dislike about the technology. Make sure that they know that if something happens when they use technology that they can come to you for help or advice. Too often when situations get bad it is when children try to handle it at first, then it gets worse.

Inquiry – know what the hot topics are, what is happening with other tweens, keep up to date with your child and what is happening at your child’s school, etc. If you have concerns, check it out on the phone, tablet, etc. I had a parent once tell me that their child had their phone locked and they could not get into it to see the messages. I asked “who pays for the phone” and she said “I do” then I told her it is her phone and she had all the rights to look at it. Have these discussions before there is an issue, the best time is when they first get the technology. Again there is a question of trust, but if you do not have anything to hide then where is the harm?

Social Media – Terms of Use

Have you ever read the Terms of Use for any social media (Instagram -http://instagram.com/about/legal/terms/#, Snapchat - http://www.snapchat.com/terms/) and if you are like most users you have not (they tend to be boring with a bunch of legalese) but you will find that many of the social media sites say they are for people 13 years and older. I have been told directly by students that there are many children under 13 that are using these apps and sites, some with parent permission and some without. Since these sites are typically designed for those older children then there needs to be a level of maturity when they use these sites. Families need to discuss what is appropriate and when. If they are going to be on these sites I ask that they use the STEP method before they post anything –

S – Stop, take a moment to compose what you want to say

T – THINK (is it True, Helpful, Inspire confidence, Necessary and Kind – from the Josephson Institute, http://charactercounts.org/index.html)

E – Empathize, walk in someone else’s’ shoes about what you are going to say

P – Post, if you have followed the directions above

With parenting, like many other aspects of our lives, it is complex at best and often confusing (am I making the right decisions, will my kids grow up to be good adults, etc.) at worst. The great thing about technology is that just like it can connect your children, it can connect parents as well to other parents, resources, etc. Just remember take your time, stay cool and keep working. Every day is an adventure and enjoy each one.

Heather Paulding

Tim Woda

Arms never go up. Moms and dads need to appreciate that the toys of childhood have changed, and if they want to engage it might include sitting around playing Minecraft together. It may not be Monopoly.

Robyn Rishani

If you have a tween, it’s helpful to understand that part of their development into adulthood is exploring their desire to be independent from their parents, gaining a sense of individuality, exploring relationships and identifying with their sexuality, and to do this they use social media. We cannot stop them as it’s part of their lives, but we CAN help guide them and teach them the correct ways to conduct themselves online in a manner that is respectful and honest, and protects their information from getting into unwanted hands.

Below are just some of the many tips I recommend to parents in keeping their tweens safe online:

· Have a conversation about respect.

Respect is regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others. Ask your tween how they can respect themselves online and also how they can respect others. One way you can do this is to look at YouTube videos together or Instagram pictures and go through and decide if the posts are respectful or not. Eg: is Miley Cyrus respecting herself in the twerking video? Have a look at some comments and ask if your tween thinks they are respectful or disrespectful. Ask your tween if they think pictures could end up in the wrong hands. Ask how they would feel if something horrible was written about them. This conversation doesn’t have to happen in one sitting. Make the effort and speak to your tween regularly. Show an interest in what they are doing. Use your own social media account as an example so they do not feel that you are invading their privacy.

· Have a discussion about what to do if someone disrespects them.

Bullying, trolling and unwanted sexual requests are all disrespectful. Build your tweens self-confidence by discussing what they might do when confronted by disrespect. Show examples from you own social media account once again.
Let them know that they can keep evidence and report the person to the website / app administrator. Most apps have a report function. They can block them and ignore them. Encourage them to think about the pictures that they post and whether or not the pictures may attract unwanted attention (regardless of how innocent it may actually be)

· Place boundaries on their internet use

You need to remember that you are the adult, and that you have a responsibility to ensure they lead a balanced life that assists them in becoming well balanced adults, both mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically. Spending all night on social media is not healthy. It can create dependency and anxiety at having to always stay connected. So place a schedule around when they can use their devices, and after the agreed time, the device goes into a draw in the parent bedroom. They may not like it in the beginning, but your job as a parent isn’t to be their best friend, it’s to parent them into being healthy and stable adults. Turn off their devices at least an hour before going to bed so that they can wind down. Also do not allow devices into their bedroom. Homework can be done in a public area of the house, and there is no need for them to have a mobile phone in their bedroom, as you never know who they may be chatting to on a social media app.

· Ensure that the location services is DISABLED on their smart phones.

Do Instagram, Twitter or any other social media followers really need to know where your tween is located, within 10 meters of their bedroom?

· Use the Parental controls on a smart phone

iPhones have a feature called “restrictions”. Once enabled you enter a PIN and you can block your tween from installing adult apps and inappropriate content. You can even disable the camera if you wish!

Jennifer Cannon

While there is no 100% foolproof answer to this, the first line of defense is to educate and raise awareness in kids and parents about potential dangers, pitfalls and sticky social situations.

Andrea Deckard

Ernest Barbaric

There are many software offerings, but they only help with symptoms of the problem. The real root of it is education. Telling your children about the potential dangers, making sure their social media accounts are private and secure, as well as being involved in their lives. Teens and Tweens in particular are less likely to share their daily events with parents, but more likely to do so online — and they tend to be on a faster technology adoption curve. By the time you’re on Facebook, they’re on SnapChat.

In my opinion, it really comes down to sitting down, talking with them and listening. There is no software replacement for good parenting.

Lori Skurka, M. Ed.

Nate Fietzer

Anna Berry

1. They must get approval to open a new social media account from us

2. We must get the password to the account

3. They must be “friends” with us or another trusted adult who can monitor activity on the account

4. We will go into the account at any time to review content and behavior

5. We get the final say in keeping the account or a connection with someone

J.R. Atkins

When I teach very young children, age 2-7, about on line safety, we start with the “Stranger Danger” concept and build on that with online safety including gaming consoles like Xbox, tablet games, phone games, and PC based games. The idea is that the dangers we face in person are like the dangers we face via a device and the principles are the same (1) When in doubt, ask an adult (2) what to look out for (3) Have fun while you are being safe and smart.

Jayne A. Hitchcock

2. If someone bullies or harasses them, respond once with a simple, “Please stop contacting me,” then block and report the person. They aren’t being rude, they are protecting themselves. The worst thing they can do is keep defending themselves. If, after the stop contacting message they are still receiving bullying or harassment, they need to keep it and NOT respond to it. Then they need to file a complaint with the site or app they are using. If that doesn’t work, then they can come to our organization, haltabusektd.org for free, anonymous help. We never contact the bully and harasser and are able to resolve over 70% of the cases before they escalate.

3. For parents, YOU are the person(s) paying the mortgage/rent and internet/cell phone plans - until your child is out on their own and paying their own bills in full, you need to set rules about online usage. Set a bedtime and at that cutoff time, take away their computer, laptop, netbook, tablet, smartphone, etc and lock it away for the night. There is no reason teens need to be online or texting at all hours of the day and night.

4. Parents - if your child shuts their bedroom door while going online, there is a huge problem. Your rule should be that the door is always open. If you walk by and they shut off their computer or phone or hide it, then there’s a problem. If they are not being social with their friends outside of online contact, there is a problem. You need to sit down and have a firm, but gentle talk with them to try to find out what is going on. Do NOT get mad at them. They need you to really listen to them and what is going on.

If you don’t understand what they are talking about (such as Kik, Snapchat, Tumbler, Ask.fm), ask them what it is and what is happening. Make sure they have blocked and reported the person or persons. If they haven’t, sit down with them and figure out how to do this. If it has escalated to offline bullying or harassment, find out what is going on - if it’s at school, it’s time to get the school involved. If it involves physical threats, the police may need to get involved. Your role as a parent is to BE a parent, NOT their friend. Protect your child and get them the help they need before it escalates to a situation where they are thinking of killing themselves - I don’t want to see their name in the media that they couldn’t take it anymore and had nowhere to go for help. Be their help! Or come to us for free help and advice.

Kerry Rego

I believe that devices have a central docking place in a common area of the home. The National Sleep Foundation recommends at least a one hour break between electronics usage and bedtime. This also cuts down on late night online activity, unattended use, and the expectation that devices are in the public space on a regular basis and open to parental monitoring.

Last, families should regularly talk about what their online experience is so that everyone can learn what’s happening, what issues are arising, or other areas of concern.

David Harley

There are two main but interrelated aspects to using social media safely: behaviour that’s safe for the individual, and behaviour that’s safe (and appropriate) for the people with whom the individual interacts.

In the first risk category, we might include a naïve willingness to share not only personal information but information relating to friends and family, and not only with the service provider but with people they meet through social media service sites. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) restricts the information that a commercial service provider or app can legally obtain from children under the age of 13, but at the same time implicitly makes parents responsible for deciding how much information about their children is available.

While Facebook – not always the most rigorous guardian of its users’ privacy – has so far withstood the temptation to open up the site to under-13s, it certainly hasn’t eradicated the presence of sub-teens. Hopefully, readers of this article won’t be risking data exposure by encouraging their offspring to break the rules by helping them set up one of the multitudes of underage account deleted every day by FB. However, even letting a youngster use your own account (especially unsupervised) entails risks to his or her privacy and your own.

While there are plenty of social media sites about which I know little or nothing, it’s usually the nature of the social media beast to require a certain amount of information about the service user, bringing the service directly into COPPA scope, and making it incumbent on parents to decide whether it’s safe and appropriate to give ‘verifiable parental consent’. Not something a responsible parent is going to want to give without being sure that the site will take good care and make only ethical use of those data. But there are plenty of other booby-traps for the unwary social media user of any age.

• Social media have become the natural home for those chainmail-borne hoaxes and semi-hoaxes that used to drive me crazy as an email administrator.  For instance:

  • Imaginary viruses and other fake security alerts

  • False or misleading medical alerts

  • Pass-this-on-or-suffer-the-consequences chain messages

  • Political propaganda

  • Pass-this-on-and-get-a-free-gadget (or money from Bill Gates, or get a contribution from a big business towards surgery for a sick child…)

The sad fact is that for every instance where useful information is passed on, there are hundreds (or more) where the misinformation is at least irritatingly misleading and in some cases dangerous. The clear messages here to pass on to your children are:

• Not to believe everything you see in social media (among other places!)

• Don’t pass on messages without some form of verification (ask mum or dad, at least!)

• Don’t assume “it can’t hurt to pass it on”.

But of course, you have to be prepared to be the ‘go to’ person when they have a question.

• It’s hard to see what many hoaxers get out of their activities apart from the feeling that they’re somehow to those they deceive, but there are all too many people whose aim is to make money out of unwary social network users. Sometimes the user isn’t the direct victim (except insofar as promised freebies are often never delivered): the party wanting him or her to fill in a survey is hoping to benefit through marketing commission, or click fraud. Sometimes the object is to acquire personal data, and even if the survey is legitimate, it may have the effect of bypassing COPPA. Sometimes the data acquired may go far beyond what is safe, providing phishing phodder for identity theft practitioners. Sometimes the point of the exercise is to load malware (malicious software) onto the victim’s system. While it may seem a huge cliché to point out that “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”, sometimes a cliché becomes a cliché just because it’s generally correct. Bearing that particular old saw in mind can prevent any of us from falling from a whole range of hoaxes and scams.

• Another ‘too much information’ issue with social networks is geolocation. You know that it’s not always a great idea to tell the world that you’ve just checked in at a Starbucks 4,000 miles away, or that you’re skiing in Aspen for the next two weeks, or even that you’re having dinner at the other end of town. You know that, but does your tween, who may think that everyone on their favourite site is her friend and can be trusted with information about her parents date night? There are less obvious ways of giving away information, though. While some social media sites have become more responsible about stripping location information from uploaded photographs, a photograph or video may contain other elements – street names, license plates, house numbers – that may give away more than you think. Think that’s far-fetched? You’d be surprised at how many passwords have been inadvertently revealed that way, as evidenced by a couple of posts by Graham Cluley, who seems to have made something of a speciality of noting such gaffes.

However, tweens who have been taught how to behave responsibly and with respect for others online are also better equipped to recognize and react appropriately to bad behaviour by others, and are less likely to be haunted in years to come by things they shouldn’t have said so publicly. Certainly you can help prepare them for unpleasant aspects of life online such as cyberbullying and abuse, stranger danger and grooming. Tony Anscombe’s free eBook ‘One Parent to Another’ is aimed at parents with teens rather than tweens, but some of the points he raises for discussion are worth thinking about with reference to younger children, especially as I suspect that the average age at which they start to access social media is still getting lower. You may or may not agree with him on every detail of his parenting advice, but the book covers a wider range of issues than I can in a short commentary (including parental controls!), it’s certainly a good starting point for discussion with your tween about the terms of the ‘contract’ you might want to agree with them, and if you’re not yourself knowledgeable about technology, it gives you a reasonable overview to help you convince your offspring that you do know something about the topic while they’re still young enough not to assume that you don’t know anything about anything.

One more point: the hardware that your youngsters use to get online. When I had my own tween (yes, they do grow out of it…) life was much simpler: her first cell-phone had only the most basic functionality, we didn’t have wifi, and while we could have more than one computer connected to the internet at a time (quite advanced for the time), it was also easy to set up the family PC so that her own account was an internet-free zone. I’m not going to presume to tell you how to make the decisions on what devices you let your children have and how you should configure them. I will suggest, though, that if you have shared hardware you might bear in mind the story cited by Sorin Mustaca in his eBook ‘Improve Your Security’ of the seven-year-old who nearly bought a Harrier jump-jet on eBay for $113,000 because his father was still logged in to eBay.

Lauren Maxwell

By openly discussing these warning signs with your children, you’ll leave them with the tools they need to stay safe. Keep conversation lines open and demonstrate transparency when it comes to your own social media habits. They’ll watch you, learn from you, and hopefully, feel free to discuss anything that makes them uncomfortable on social media with you. By working together, you’ll make social a safe, fun place for teenage friendship and community.

Roy Morejon

It’s a scary place online and social media sites allow people access that we never had before. Always use caution and monitor your tweens social networking usage closely to make sure they are not disobeying these guidelines.

Raylee Melton

1. I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number or guardians’ information without my guardians’ permission.
2. If I land on a page that isn’t appropriate, I will close it immediately.
3. I will never agree to get together with someone I “meet” online without first checking with my guardians.
4. I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in any way make me feel uncomfortable. I will unfriend these people and block them from my page.
5. I will help my guardians understand what I am doing online. We will review the privacy setting on each platform together. I will let them know all the social media pages on which I am active.

For those interested, you can visit our website to download our FREE Pre-Teen/Teen Online Safety Contract: http://moth-media.com/preteen-socialmedia/

Ann Marie van den Hurk

OK so what do we do? Here are some tips for adults in helping a young person navigate social media and the Internet:

• Talk to her about safety rules for using the Internet. Her common sense is probably very different from yours.

• Discuss with her what her online rules should be such as how much time she can spend online, what kinds of sites she can visit, etc. Consider her input seriously.

• Know what she is doing online such as what sites is she visiting or does she go into public chat rooms? What social media platforms is she visiting and has an account on? Familiarize yourself with the Internet and social platforms. Model good behavior on those channels.

• Maintain an open dialogue with her about her Internet and social use. Be willing to compromise, but make sure she understands your concerns are for her safety.

• Encourage her to teach you some new Internet-related skills — opening a door to communication.

• Without becoming overly judgmental, help her solve problems she encounters online. Make sure she knows she can come to you with those problems.

• Prepare your daughter for the kinds of uncomfortable experiences she might have online, without making her feel that the Internet is a totally frightening place.

• Find out what her friends are doing online so you know what her Internet social reality is all about.

What it comes down to is the lines of communicate and building that trust and understanding. Kids need and want help from us.

Melanie Mackie

Privacy settings on Facebook are essential and in the age of sharing images and selfies to think about how much real-time personal information they want in the public domain today and in years to come.

When the tweens reach adulthood there will be social footprints of their digital lives available. Privacy and safety is a priority and it’s up to parents to help educate their tweens on how to be socially savvy and stop before posting and think about exactly what content they share online.

Diane Griffin

Diane Griffin is the Founder & CEO of Security First & Associates, and has over 20 years of experience in Defense and Intelligence communities, where she held progressive Security leadership and management roles with small to large defense contractors. Diane has written security articles and is a self-published Author of several eBooks. One of her eBooks relate to the legal ramifications associated with Teens texting and driving, and how to protect your teens when visiting social media sites. Diane considers it a privilege to be involved with the various security groups and she hopes to continue to be a partner and contributor in helping to shape and improve national security policy and direction. Learn more about Diane’s work at http://www.protectyourteens.com.

How can you keep your tween safe on social media (or is this really even a problem)?

As security expert, I deal with a wide variety of growing trends of activities that have the potential for harmful consequences to businesses and people. One such trend that has captured the attention of the mass media, parents and Tweens alike is the dramatic revolution and evolution of social media and social networking with Facebook being a dominant force.

Your tween has grown up in a Web 2.0 world. You should consider the benefits of teaching your Tweens how to use social networking sites responsibly since it will become a bigger part of their personal and professional lives as they grow.

According to a statistic from a survey listed on the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children site, roughly 34% of 10 – 17 year olds post their real names, their telephone numbers, home address and the names of their schools online when they create a profile. 45% post their dates of birth or their ages publicly. Setting up your Tweens’ profiles is a perfect opportunity to discuss safety and age appropriate activities on Social Media. Many tweens lack the life experience and the maturity to know the potential threats that exist online or how to react to them appropriately.

Here are some of my tips on how parents can keep their teens safe while using social media:

• Make sure the tools they are using are age appropriate. Did you know that your child is not allowed to have a Facebook page until they are 13? Make sure your tweens and teens are using tools that are appropriate for their age and become as familiar as possible with the networks they are using, including reading the network’s privacy policy.
• Be their ‘Friend’ or ‘Follower’. Before you allow your teen to set up a social media profile require that they allow you to become their ‘Friend’ or ‘Follower’ on that particular network (such as Facebook or Twitter). This way, you can monitor their activity and conversations in a very open and honest way. I also recommend that parents have access to the usernames and passwords of their child’s accounts.
• Discuss what items should-and shouldn’t-be posted. Let your teens know that they should never give out personal information—even on their profile pages—and that comments and photos they post should only be those items they feel comfortable sharing with you as a parent. In addition, emphasize to your teens that what happens online usually stays online—messages and photos rarely stay private in the world of social media and cannot be taken back.

Doing your best to educate your child about online dangers will go a long way toward keeping him/her safe. The Internet brings potential danger into our lives, yes. As does school, shopping, and just about anything else we do. Knowing the possible dangers helps us guard against them. And teaching them to our tweens will help to ensure their safety as well.