Tween Dad Club – Tweens and Social Networking…it’s all about the ground rules
When I was a tween, the only tech I had access to was my GI Joe’s Kung Fu Grip. Eventually we got an Atari and I got wicked good at Pong, but the devices we thought were so cool weren’t connected to anything but our TVs. Today, it’s a completely different world and, as a parent of tweens, something we need to consider carefully. I’m not suggesting that we helicopter over our kids as they explore social networking, or block them out completely. The reality is, they live in a much more social and connected world than we do. But as parents, we have to help them learn how to explore and engage in a positive and protective way that doesn’t open them up to problems or predators.
Most social networking sites don’t allow kids under 13 to use the site unless they have parental permission. The Children’s’ Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) recently updated their guidelines to include mobile platforms, but not before thousands (maybe millions) of tweens jumped on Instagram and started sharing. Both my tween girls have Instagram accounts, one with about 500 followers and one with around 50. My younger tween uses it to post funny pictures she finds and actually includes that in her profile description. My older, slightly more sophisticated tween, uses it to share pictures (mostly of herself and her friends) and thoughts. On sites like Instagram, it’s not just the photos that can get tricky, but also the comments that have become Facebook-like in terms of how cavalierly people engage.
First, when our girls asked to have an Instagram account, we set some ground rules:
- Don’t post anything you wouldn’t say to someone in person
- Don’t post anything that, if repeated, might hurt someone’s feelings
- Don’t post anything that you don’t want me or your mother reading
- Don’t post anything that says where you’ll be at a certain time
- Don’t post anything that says you’re home alone
The girls have followed the rules and even brought us their phones to show messages from friends or followers that aren’t in line with our household rules. These rule-breakers are blocked. We also regularly review who is following the girls (both accounts are private) and block people that might not be who they seem.
It was interesting to watch how both girls developed their social networking “voice.” My younger daughter has stayed true to her profile and only reposts pictures she likes or finds funny. These types of posts rarely generate any comments from her friends. She gets some “likes” and then she moves on to other pics. My older daughter regularly posts questions or statements and asks for comments from her friends. Sometimes there are dozens of comments that range from on-topic with the post to what happened at school to asking what she thinks of a particular boy or friend. She hasn’t broken any of the rules but we’ve had to remind her that she needs to think hard about what she asks, how she replies and what she posts, as everything she does helps others form an opinion of her.
We talk a lot with both girls about bullying and how what they say, or don’t say, can impact other people. We stress that they “own” what they say and do and have to own up to any consequences that might come from their actions.
There are a lot of mean people on social media and my job, as a Dad, is ensure my daughters don’t join their ranks.
About the Author:
Rich Williams is a tech PR guy, serial entrepreneur, and Dad to three kids, two of which happen to be tween girls. He spends his days navigating tech topics with clients and driving kids to guitar, soccer, swim, tae kwon do, tumbling, drums, etc. He is often very, very tired.
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